Written by Pay It Forward Psychotherapist Elaine Avrus

After years of hiding behind identities that do not feel right, people develop a need to be honest and open about who they are. The experiences leading up to this point have been challenging enough that even with support from those close to them, the challenges ahead can still seem frightening and overwhelming.

The process of “coming out” is usually used to describe people opening up to the world, and to themselves, about their sexual identity.  However, “coming out” occurs on different levels and in other situations, as well.  For example, some people experience a similar process when they identify themselves as having different religious beliefs or political values than those that their parents hold.  It’s about coming out of hiding and standing for who they are, who they were made to be and what they believe in.  They are trying desperately to love themselves and the person they are becoming. Yet questions and fearful thoughts arise, How are people going to perceive me?  What if my beliefs are different than everyone close to me?  What if my family rejects me?  I will be all alone.  I am all alone.

The coming out process can often leave people ostracized from their families, parents and people they thought were their friends. Even though some people embrace differences with open arms, others may have fears, biases, and opinions can leave people feeling rejected, hurt and alone.  Coming out to the world can be hard enough, but coming out to one’s family can sometimes prove to be the most challenging and heartbreaking. Some people lose the relationships they have had with their family of origin entirely.

Yet, along this journey, people also discover a new life and a new “family.”  This family is the one that they have chosen because they belong in it. They fit in it and it feels like home. It is compiled of others they have met along the way that love and accept them. They laugh with them, do not judge them, encourage them and help them grow. There is a new sense of belonging.  They can feel safe, loved, accepted, connected and understood within their new family.  However, finding and identifying a new family may not be an easy process for some, especially when they’re still in the process of learning to love themselves.

The coming out process marks the beginning of a whole new journey.  There are so many new paths to walk along, to run on, to skip and dance to. Taking these new paths can often lead to new discoveries about oneself, about others and about one’s family. Within this journey, there are also losses that have to be endured along the way.  Some may be easier to move past than others, and some remain etched in their minds and hearts.

Therapy can provide a place to heal these wounds.  It provides time and space to grieve the losses the rest of society may not recognize.  It provides support during the process of discovering one’s new family, affirms people for who they are and empowers them to feel stronger.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 at 6:15 pm and is filed under Wellness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.