When Your Partner Drifts Away from You
Written by Licensed Psychotherapist Angela Sasseville, MA, LPC, NCC
He wasn’t sure how long it had been going on but he felt as though his wife was drifting further and further away from him. Many of their interactions now seemed cordial and perfectly uneventful. But what had happened to the chemistry? And when had she stopped becoming enthused about spending time with him? She seemed so indifferent about his presence now.
He could recall a time, back before the kids were born, when he felt closer to her. Life was lighter then, easier. Connecting with her was fun. He missed that light-hearted sense of being in sync with one another, of being happy to see one another at the end of the day.
Their sex life had become quiet and dull these days as well. He had waited patiently when their physical intimacy decreased for months when each of the kids was born. Inside his mind he fumed, but she isn’t pregnant now so why did she think a marriage without sex was acceptable? It was becoming increasingly frustrating to try to resolve the issue. The tension in their bedroom had been going on for so long that a nonphysical relationship had become their new norm.
There were moments in which he secretly wondered if she was having an affair. At least that would explain why her focus was always on something else, he thought. She assured him she simply had a lot of work to do that pulled her away from home. He didn’t know what to believe. Yet the longer their disconnection from one another continued, the more peripheral he felt in her life, and the more fragile the marriage felt to him.
He dreaded bringing this stuff up to her. He was no relationship expert and sometimes he struggled to find a way to spit out what was bothering him. Other times he just felt pissed when she ignored him! But he knew that this wasn’t a way that anybody would want to spend the next 40 years of their lives together.
Little did he realize that every partner has undeniable and legitimate emotional needs that only their spouse can meet. In other words, he wasn’t being “whiny”, as she had once accused him of being. He was ready for their relationship to evolve and become stronger, more connected.
Reconnecting with your partner can be difficult and complex. Why stumble through it alone when you can enlist the help of a relationship expert who knows the terrain and can guide you towards the destination that you both want?