Recently I met the members of one of my favorite rock bands, Denver’s own Flobots, and got to hang out with them backstage before the final show on their tour.  I’ve followed them since their hit “Handlebars” was released several years ago.  Their socially responsible lyrics have fueled me in adulthood, the way that Rage Against the Machine fueled my activism as a youth.

On many occasions during the recession, when I’ve felt dog-tired from the challenges of a limping economy, I have consciously chosen to play their anthems about perseverance and community-mindedness, only to find my determination reignited every time.  My kids know all their lyrics to their hip-hop jams and request them frequently in the car.   So I was pumped to meet this band!

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It’s an honor and a privilege to help so many remarkable individuals and couples in such a personal way.

And a heartfelt thank you to my devoted Flourish Counseling teammates - Denise, Nancy, Inga & Liz - for the powerful ways in which you’ve helped me give back to the community this year!

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At Flourish Counseling we believe that everyone deserves to flourish.  We’re also aware of the socioeconomic inequalities and financial stressors that exist in many of our client’s lives.  That prompted us to develop a win-win solution, our scholarship program, to address the fact that not everyone can afford the therapeutic support that they deserve.

Our fees are in step with our colleagues’ and with the going market rates.  However, the commitment to the community that Denise, Nancy, Inga and Liz share with me is powerful.  So Flourish Counseling donates a significant percentage of its revenues to community members in financial need in the form of scholarships for our services.

2012 was an awesome year of growth!    We settled into our new offices on Eliot Street and I assembled my dream team of top-notch therapists.  Together, we were able to impact the lives of more people than ever before.

The great peacemaker Mahatma Ghandi said we must “be the change we wish to see in the world.”  It’s insufficient to sit idly by and hope that others will take action.  Every day we are given the opportunity to embody positive change ourselves.

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SUGGESTION #2:  LET’S ADDRESS THE 16 MASS SHOOTINGS WE’VE HAD THIS YEAR

I’ll be the first to admit that after months of election bombardment and swing state stress, I didn’t really want to be politically active right now.  I’d rather be out shopping for Christmas gifts than addressing gun control but we’ve already had too many mass shootings - 16 this year alone.

On a more personal level my 6 year old and her classmates are practicing school lock down drills.  They work together to move bookshelves with their tiny bodies so they could hide behind them during an attack.  She’s 6.  I weep every time I picture it.  Then I ask myself what have we allowed our society to become?  Why aren’t we taking greater action to protect our children from guns?

SUGGESTION #1: FIND THE GOOD IN YOUR LIFE AND MAKE MENTAL NOTE OF IT

Now through Christmas Day I challenge you to notice, identify, and make mental note of everything good in your life.  The good may be small or large, extraordinary or a daily occurrence.  Be on the lookout for good, for positive things, for love, happiness and safety.  Try not to let anything good slip past you unnoticed.

Here are some examples to get you started:  I’m grateful for the reassuring presence of the police officer present at my children’s school this week.  I’ve noted how happy my kids are, and how yummy it is to hug them.  I got to spend this weekend with old friends.  And I’m excited that next week I’ll get to play Santa Claus at least one more time before my baby catches on and becomes too old to believe in Santa.

THERE IS GOODNESS IN YOUR LIFE, PUT SOME ATTENTION THERE

Now you try it.  See how many good things you can note in the next week.

This activity will not magically absolve your distress over the shooting.  By all means, grieve as much as you need to.  It’s heartbreaking.  But looking for the goodness will assist you in what we call “pendulating” between your upset and concern and all that is well in your world.  (Imagine a pendulum swinging back and forth between two extremes.)

Pendulation is a more sustainable, tolerable way to deal with tragedy - expressing negative feelings, and then reconnecting with the good in the world to maintain a balanced perspective.

“The issue of responsibility, individual and shared, it as the very core of how a society defines itself.  Will the inescapably traumatic events that befall its members become a shared moral burden, or will victims be held responsible and left to fend for themselves?”

-Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, expert on the impact of trauma

I did have a very enlightening and inspirational blog planned for this week…but the Newtown shooting is weighing heavily on so many hearts.  So here are some thoughts and suggestions on moving through this tragedy.

There’s nothing more disturbing to us than senseless, unpredictable violence …until that violence is perpetuated against those that we consider to be the most previous, most vulnerable and most innocent among our entire community - children.

Since the tragedy in Newton, countless parents, educators and other citizens have approached me filled with sadness, terror and anxiety.  For those of us who value nothing more than the wellbeing of the children in our lives, this tragedy once again strikes us at our very core.

From where I sit at my desk in Denver we’re still trying to adapt to our sadness and feelings of vulnerability after the murder of Jessica Ridgeway, to this fall’s series of attempted abductions, and to this summer’s shooting in Aurora.  And we’re still the community that will be forever changed by the shooting at Columbine.  Now the daycare shooting in Newtown embodies every parent’s worst nightmare.

We’ve been through a lot, my dear neighbors.  It’s time to engage in serious amounts of TLC for ourselves and for one another.  Stay tuned for suggestions.

So here’s the message I’d like to send to every LGBTQ individual:  You are equal.  You are good.  You are delightful just the way you are.  You are valued members of my community.  You are deserving and you deserve equal rights.  You are loveable.  I am grateful to have you in my life.

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The LGBTQ community is bombarded with these messages on a regular basis.  Discrimination, bullying, and violence against them is not uncommon.  Homophobia is also the reason why a disproportionate number of homeless teens are LGBTQ - disowned and kicked out by their own parents.  It’s heartbreaking to stare into the eyes of a gay client who is bright, loyal, hardworking, and likeable and to hear them say they hate themselves for being different and that they’re considering suicide due to all of the homophobic messages they’ve absorbed over the years.

Judgment, discrimination, and social inequality always inflict psychological and economic harm onto those who are being oppressed. That harm occurs in varying degrees.  Some are vocal about their pain while others remain silent.  But the pain of oppression is always there, taking up residence in the bodies and minds of the oppressed.

To be conitnued

At first glance the gay marriage issue may not seem deeply troubling to a straight by-stander.  After all, heterosexuals have the privilege of not knowing how challenging it can be to live under the oppression of homophobia (discrimination based on an intolerance of other sexual orientations) on a daily basis.  But let me assure you there is nothing neutral about this issue, nor is the scope of its impact limited to the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, or queer) community.

To prevent folks who identify as LGBTQ from having equal civil liberties implies some very toxic and negative messages about these individuals:  You’re not equal to me.  You don’t deserve the same rights as I do.  You’re lesser than.  And your differences are bad. (Yuck!) There is a reason why LGBTQ individuals suffer from higher stress levels and higher suicide rates than their straight counterparts. - We already have too many of these homophobic messages woven into our society.

To be continued