Decoding Why You & Your Partner Have a Recurrent Argument
Angela Sasseville
Couples Therapy I want to give you some information today so that all of you who have the same argument over and over with your spouse can start to decode what is actually going on. You see, that is a really common phenomenon. The first mistake that we make is that we take it too literally and we misunderstand the argument to think that it’s about the topic at hand, the actual subject that we’re arguing over that day. Very often it’s not, it’s about some emotional needs going on in the relationship, and that topic, that subject, the thing you’re quarreling about that day just happens to be what stirred those needs up again. Now, the second thing that we tend to misunderstand during those disagreements is we put a lot of focus on how our partner is responding to the fact that we are now at odds. We tend to partner with people who have a very different conflict management style than our own. Oftentimes the way that couples are handling the fact that there’s conflict is poor and it can do some damage to the relationship and the bond between the two of them. Sometimes it’s minimal damage that we can repair within a couple of days and sometimes it’s more significant damage that feels like it lingers and needs more repair. Now, if you and your partner have reached this place where it seems to be a different day and a different subject but you two have the same recurring argument the first important thing to know is that it’s actually a normal developmental process in a relationship. It is because there are some unmet emotional needs in the relationship that need to be decoded and identified so that they can be met once and for all and the argument can go away or at least rear its ugly head a lot less often and a lot less intensely which sounds amazing right? But if you and your partner find yourselves in that place where you’re having a recurring argument I’m afraid it means you have also probably progressed beyond your skill level and when couples are stuck in that place they have passed the time in which they should be trying to DIY things at home and because these issues are so complex it’s time to get yourselves an amazing couples therapist. Someone who can help you decode things so much more quickly and put an end to your frustrations once and for all. For more information on my support of highly ambitious couples click here.
