Healing Your Marital Problems After a Betrayal, part 2

(Heal Your Marital Problems After Betrayal, continued from our previous blog) Step #4:  This step involves acknowledging the fact that happy people do not betray their partners.  Betrayal often occurs as an unhealthy form of coping with low self-esteem, depression or another form of unhappiness within the partner who was dishonest. For the unhappy partner, taking the time to gain deeper insight into one’s challenges, to address the unhappiness at its roots, and to learn healthier coping skills is critical.  On the contrary, not accepting one’s need to self-reflect can be a way of avoiding the personal growth that’s needed in order to become happy and to have a fulfilling relationship. Step #5:  This step rests on the shoulders of the partner who’s been betrayed.  They must become aware of the role that their anger plays in their relationships and use it appropriately. Being angry at one’s partner after a betrayal is a normal and healthy reaction.  It’s a way of asserting a healthy boundary and announcing “The way that you’ve treated me is NOT acceptable!”  On the contrary, rushing past anger towards forgiveness too quickly is often a sign of emotional caretaking or conflict avoidance. With that said, remaining angry, critical or “nagging” of one’s partner indefinitely is also not a workable long term solution.  Anger acts as a soldier’s shield that one holds up in front of them to protect them from further harm.  Yet it also keeps their partner at an emotional distance.  So if one partner works diligently and consistently to change and regain trust over time, then their partner will need to be able to gradually work towards forgiveness and lower their shield of anger over time to allow deep connection and security to occur. Our knowledgeable team is here to support both partners or either partner in these situations.  Our deeper understanding of these dynamics makes it easy for us to work with these individuals and couples from a non-judgmental perspective.  Contact us to schedule a confidential, initial consultation.