Today I want to check in on how your relationship is doing.
There have been several insulating factors about this pandemic that have worked in the best interest for the couples I’ve been talking to.
1. Having More Time Together
The first is that couples have more time together than they normally do. And when we have a healthy baseline level of connection in a relationship, that helps insulate us against miscommunication and misunderstandings.
2. Rallying Together for Family
Another insulating factor that a lot of relationships are experiencing is that they are rallying together for the benefit of their household and their kids.
Now, let’s talk about the big stressors and strains. Unfortunately, the saying is: “Under stress, we all regress.” And usually, when we face immense pressure, it’s our partners and children that we are most likely to take that stress out on.
1. Putting Aside Deeper Emotions
When we are going through something as extreme as a stay-at-home order, we can absolutely take some of our deeper emotional needs and tell ourselves “Now is not the time, and I don’t have the bandwidth. I’m going to set this to the side.” And we can absolutely do that for a period of time, and it’s not a bad survival strategy. However, if you did that to get through the beginning of quarantine, I want you to be aware of how that is impacting your relationship. Relationships needs are like hunger. You can go without them for a while, but the longer they go unmet, the worse you are going to feel.
2. Having Less Quality Time & Sex
And of course, the other strain is the simple fact that stay-at-home orders are not good for any couple’s sex life. In order to really desire someone, we need them to occasionally go away and be in a different room. When we are under intense stress, our libido is negatively impacted. Couples’ normal rituals of connection, like date night or a get away without the kids, have all been wiped off the calendar. Couples are spending a large amount of time together, but its not quality time so their sex lives are really paying a price.
So if you and your partner are struggling with any of those challenges, you know where to find us!
We are here for you as individual, couple, and family therapists! We offer individual counseling, couples counseling, and family counseling.
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